Chapter Text
“It is appointed unto men once to die, but after this judgement.”
Dr. Gilbert’s words remained anchored in her mind. He had been a devout follower, and despite all his words, he was still dead. The girl watched the coffin drop to the floor, her heart filled with complicated emotions. She was bound to a wheelchair, a nurse from the hospital behind her. The funeral was solemn, and the picture of the doctor was hidden from her view. Her brown hair covered her face as she couldn’t look up.
She couldn’t accept this. It wasn’t fair. Was death this easy to obtain? She had chased death multiple times, and not once had he taken her. She had begged and prayed, cried and screamed, and yet nothing. She was still here. She was still alive. The funeral ended, and her wheelchair was moved. Her eyes left the grave as she was taken away. Dr. Gilbert had been the doctor who took care of her for the past five years. He was her crush; she looked up to him and adored him. Her personality could only be described as unpleasant, so a lot of people didn’t talk to her. It didn’t help that she looked like a walking corpse with cracked lips and skin with grey undertones, long uncut hair, and cold eyes. She was an unpleasant-looking woman with an unpleasant personality. She was taken back to her hospital room and lifted onto her bed, where she was left alone. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling. This was her life. Every day, she could only stare at the outside world through her window. She dreamt of just jumping out of those very same windows and spreading her arms.
“She didn’t even cry. Dr. Gilbert’s affection was wasted on a woman like that.”
“It creeps me out how she just stared at his grave.”
“What did you expect of someone like that? I’m surprised this hospital allows criminals. ugh.”
The noises of the other staff members filtered into her ears, and she clenched her teeth. She wanted to just die. There was no reason her life was tethered to this world. So why must she stay here and listen to all these people talk like they know her? If she could walk, she would immediately fall down the stairs and hope her fragile body couldn’t withstand the blow. If she could bite off her tongue to choke herself, she would. She closed her eyes, slowing her heartbeat. Taking a few deep breaths, she opened her eyes again.
“You’re that desperate, huh?” The girl’s eyes shifted to the voice that had barged into her thoughts unceremoniously. It was that child again. Strange white hair and red eyes—they had always been here in this hospital with her. The girl assumed the child was a figment of her imagination; after all, they were the only one who could understand her. Seeing the child made her feel better. The child was always a sign that she was now daydreaming. She moved her arms, and they could move. She sat herself up on the bed. In this world, she could be whatever she wanted to be. The child appeared to sit on her bed with her, legs crossed, barefoot, only wearing what looked like a really long shirt with bandages over their wrists and neck.
“Dr. Gilbert died before me,” the girl said.
“Do you want to die that badly? You know if you die, you will never see me again,” the child said.
“I am tired of living. Only in my dreams can I speak and move freely. What kind of life is that?” The child remained quiet, looking at the large glass windows.
“Should we leave this place?” the child asked.
“Can we? I’ve not been outside in five years. I don’t know if I could dream of a realistic outside world.” The child looked at her, their blank facial expression something she had gotten used to by now.
“Well, you can imagine anything you want. It doesn’t have to be realistic.” The child stood on the bed, their weight not making a dent on the shabby mattress. They held out their hand to her, and she took it. A pair of beautiful white wings sprouted from her back. As she thought about it, they flapped, lifting her adult body off her bed. The child was the first to leave, their body phasing through the window with ease. She followed, phasing through the window to the outside world. Her eyes were wide as she looked around, taking everything in: people moving, animals running around, so many cars, bicycles. So many trees.
“How is it?” the child asked. The girl had a stupidly big smile on her face.
“If I knew I could daydream this good, I would have done this more often. Next time, we should do this again!” The idea of next time seemed to make the child sad, but they didn’t say anything. They had been through so many adventures together: defeating dragons, taking over kingdoms, and falling in love in a normal high school. Each time she daydreamed; she lived her life to the fullest in an alternate reality with the child. For the past five years, the only thing that had made her life manageable was this imaginary friend, a friend whose name she didn’t know. However, this was the first time she had flown in her own world. It felt amazing—the wind against her skin, her hair in the wind, her body feeling light and free. But no matter how enjoyable it felt, she couldn’t help but feel the child was different today. They both sat on a cloud, with her enjoying how soft it felt against her skin, the child watching her.
“We need to do this again tomorrow,” she said, enjoying this day a lot.
“Today might be the last day…” The child’s words came out of nowhere.
“Shi?” She called their name, confused by his words. Shi looked at her, holding her gaze.
“It’s time for you to die.”
“Ah…” She thought she would be happier hearing the child’s words, but she felt empty inside. “Then, will I never see you again?” The child didn’t answer, but she understood. She looked away, sitting up, her chest felt tight. “I should be happy, right? This is what I wanted,” she said, her eyes stinging. “This is what I wanted… But Shi, why do I feel so sad?”
The child’s heart shattered at the sight of her tears. They had never seen her cry, even with the death of her beloved doctor. But the idea of never seeing the child again was enough to push her over the edge. “Do you not want to die?” the child asked.
“I don’t want to lose you, Shi. You are my only friend.” Her voice shook, and she wiped the tears falling down her face, but they were just replaced by more. “I don’t want to lose you,” she said again. Shi felt conflicted. If they saved her, they would be punished severely. “How do I die?” the girl finally asked, after consoling herself.
“Tomorrow, you will be killed.” “I see… Will it be painful?” “...Yeah.” There was an uncomfortable silence, but then she spoke up.
“I’m alright with that.” They knew she wasn’t alright, but there was nothing they could say. The girl’s eyes opened in the hospital. She was back to the same bed, still paralysed. No winds, no cloud, no child. She sighed, back to reality.
Tomorrow, she would die.
The next day arrived with a bleak, overcast sky. The girl lay in her hospital bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. The sense of finality hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. The staff moved around her with a sense of detachment, their faces void of emotion, as if they were merely going through the motions of their daily routines. She felt invisible, a ghost in her own life.
A nurse entered her room, her expression unreadable. “Good morning,” she said mechanically. “Time for your medication.” The girl obediently opened her mouth, swallowing the pills without resistance. The nurse didn’t linger, quickly leaving the room without another word. The girl’s thoughts drifted to Shi. She wondered if she would see them today, if they would be there in her final moments. The idea of facing death alone was terrifying, but she clung to the hope that Shi would appear, that they wouldn’t abandon her.
Hours passed, the day blending into a monotonous blur. The girl dozed off intermittently, her dreams a chaotic mix of memories and imagined adventures with Shi. Each time she woke, she felt a pang of disappointment, realizing she was still in the sterile confines of her hospital room. As evening approached, a different nurse entered her room, this one accompanied by a man in a white coat. He had a stern expression, his eyes cold and unfeeling. “We need to take you for some tests,” he said curtly. The girl nodded weakly, too tired to question or resist. The nurse wheeled her out of the room, down the long, dimly lit corridors. The hospital seemed eerily quiet, the usual bustle and noise absent. It felt like a different world, a place where time had stopped. They arrived at a small, sterile room filled with medical equipment. The nurse and the doctor worked efficiently, attaching her to various machines, their movements precise and practiced. The girl’s heart raced, a sense of dread building within her.
She felt like a lab rat, a specimen being prepared for an experiment. “Relax,” the doctor said, his tone devoid of empathy. “This won’t take long.”
She closed her eyes, trying to calm her racing thoughts. She pictured Shi, imagined their comforting presence beside her. In her mind, she was back in their dream world, soaring through the sky with white wings, free and unburdened. A sudden sharp pain jolted her back to reality. She gasped, her eyes flying open. The doctor was injecting something into her IV. “This is just a sedative,” he replied, his voice clinical. “It will help you relax.” Her vision began to blur, the room spinning around her. She struggled to stay awake, to fight the pull of the drug coursing through her veins. But it was no use. Darkness enveloped her, pulling her into unconsciousness. When she woke again, she was back in her hospital room. It was dark, the only light coming from the small lamp by her bedside.
She felt disoriented, her mind foggy from the sedative. “Shi?” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “Are you here?” There was no response. The room was silent, the emptiness pressing in on her. Tears welled up in her eyes, the weight of her loneliness crushing her spirit. She had never felt more alone. Just as she was about to give in to despair, a familiar figure appeared at the foot of her bed. Shi’s white hair and red eyes stood out starkly in the dim light.
“I’m here,” they said softly. Relief flooded through her, and she managed a weak smile.
“I was afraid you wouldn’t come.”
“I’ll always be here for you,” Shi said, their expression gentle. “Even in your darkest moments.” She reached out to them, and they took her hand, their touch warm and reassuring.
“Is it time?” she asked, her voice trembling.
Shi nodded. “Do not be afraid.” She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves.
“I don’t want to leave you,” she confessed.
“You won’t,” Shi replied. With Shi by her side, the fear and anxiety that had gripped her heart began to fade. She felt a strange sense of peace, a calm acceptance of what was to come. The door to her room opened, she could see a man walk in with a hood. A knife in hand, she wondered why someone would come all the way here just to kill her. Her body couldn’t move, so she could only watch him weakly as he plunged the knife in her chest over and over again. She could see the eyes under his hood, tear filled dark eyes ad he muttered to himself.
“You deserved this.. You bitch!” Like he was trying to reassure himself that he was doing the right thing.
She didn’t care, only accepting her fate. He quickly stuffed the knife in his pockets and ran off. No one was going to come to help her in time, this was it. Her breathing grew slower, her grip on Shi’s hand weakening.
At least she was not alone.
She kept her eyes on Shi. Shi’s eyes were calm as ever. “I guess you’ve seen people die before.” She wasn’t sure why she asked them that question.
“Hn.” But they answered. Their hands felt a bit too real in this situation.
“I don’t want to go, Shi” Her bravery fell, as her life slipped away and warm blood pooled on her mattress.
“Don’t say that, If you say that I-“ Their voice cracked—the first ounce of emotion she had seen on their face.
“It’s funny, I was a really bad person in my life; this is what I deserve, but here I am selfishly asking you for something I shouldn’t.” Warm tears from their eyes dropped on her face. Her hand reached out to his face, her dry fingers stroking their cheek; they felt like flesh and blood. She would never see him again. Her eyesight was blurring, so she burned their face into her memories.
“If-“ They tried to say, “If you were reborn, if I let you, what would be your greatest wish?" She paused, wondering if this was their way of making her feel better.
"I have always lived my life escaping my reality, for once - I want to live through my imagination."
"I see, then what you imagine is what you will be."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't stay with you any longer." She said, her voice quiet, as she mustered all her strength.
"Don't apologise... It's ok, just close your eyes, and sleep."
"... I love yo..." And then, with one last, gentle breath, she was gone.
